Kaminankuro
by Dorylus
Summary: Do not mess with the puppet master.


**Kaminankuro**

* * *

-_Disclaimer_: Not mine.

-_Summary_: Do not mess with the puppet master.

-_Notes_: Although elements of a certain other anime are included. None of the characters actually make an appearance in person, so this isn't listed as a crossover.

* * *

Kankuro was a fellow of a fairly forgettable sort.

This might have come as a surprise if judgement was passed based on appearance alone. The guy wore attire that suggested a feline persuasion, and his face was smeared with an inscrutable purple pattern that changed as often as the weather (in anywhere other than Suna, of course, because Kankuro was painfully aware of the fact that overbearing aridity was the name of the game there).

Of course, he didn't do much to help his case by attempting to strangle a leaf nin, even if they were a feculent snotwad.

Then Kankuro was poisoned, and it hurt like a monkey's uncle, if that monkey's uncle was a sociopathic criminal puppet who injected someone with a debilitating poison.

It did not, however, hurt like the ruinous collapse of a metaphor.

* * *

"What are those?" The items in question, a pair of red-tinted shades of unusual shape and size, and a necklace with a miniature drill bit affixed to it, exuded an aura that felt like it originated from another world. Kankuro could feel the temperature of his blood elevate, the effect getting stronger as he approached them.

The compulsion to wear them could not be resisted. Kankuro didn't try. He found, to his surprise, that they were a good fit.

Kankuro was struck with an epiphany. He could rebuild himself. He had the technology. He could be better than he was. Better, stronger, faster. At that point, the game changed.

* * *

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!" The Suna council were not entirely sure. They were too busy reeling from the sight in front of them to deduce the identity of the...intruder.

Eventually, it clicked.

"KANKURO?" Said ninja was clad in a wooden facimile of a mecha, effortlessly manipulating it from the inside with his puppet strings. The mecha featured no weapons in its base form, but its hands looked to be exquisitely effective at crushing the skulls of mortal ken. Suddenly, said hands clapped together and mutated into a freaking enormous drill, which rotated faster and faster until it exceeded the speed of light.

"GIIIIIIGA DRIIIIIIIIILLLLL BREEEEAAAAAKERRRRRRR!" Kankuro tore the universe a new cloaca as he quantum-tunneled into the past. The wormhole faded, leaving the astounded Suna heirarchs to their musings.

* * *

Madara and Hashirama were busy skimming stones, but as trained shinobi, they were never-the-less still acutely aware of their environment, which was why Madara turned to look at the anomalous flash of energy as soon as it appeared. However, he lacked the time to react in any other way as Kankuro ran him through with the drill, creating an enormous mushroom-cloud explosion that Hashirama just barely evaded. In the wake of the explosion, it's source had disappeared.

* * *

Obito wasn't in great condition underneath the boulder, but he was about to get a lot worse. A rift tore through the sky over the collapsed cave, and through it, Kankuro plunged, piercing the entire planet, dragging Obito's torso with him. In a flash, Kankuro was gone again.

* * *

Kaguya bared her teeth and bit into the fruit, swallowing the mouthful after a few tentative chews. She did not know, in full, what the consequences would be, so she expressed only the mildest surprise on thinking that she was hallucinating. However, the voice was very much real.

"The reputation of the Suna puppet corps echoes far and wide. When they talk about it's badass prodigy, they're talking about me! The mighty Kankuro!"

"Wha-"

The drill promptly introduced itself to her internal organs. Rather than die outright, however, she began to rotate with the drill. Gritting his teeth, Kankuro shouted at the top of his lungs, pumping as much testosterone-borne power as possible. The rotation of the drill was supercharged, becoming so fast that the air resistance caused Kaguya to liquefy. Molten skin and viscera were flung off the drillbit as, for the last time, Kankuro tunnelled through reality.

* * *

Kankuro was back in Suna, outside the Kazekage's office. Utterly fissured and cracked from the release of spiral power, the mecha and shades disintegrated in a bright light. Kankuro opened the door and invited himself in, seeing Gaara filling out some paperwork.

"Don't worry about the end of the world, brother. My drill has seen to that." Kankuro exited, closing the door behind him, leaving Gaara utterly puzzled.


End file.
